Monday, 18 February 2013

Would Anyone Notice?

It's a horrible feeling; feeling useless. A question that's haunted me my whole life is "Would anyone notice if I suddenly disappeared?" If I died? If I ran away? What would change? Who would be affected? It's a horrible question to ask, but sometimes the answer I get is even worse.

I'm sure there are many other people who have asked themselves that question. Maybe they broke up with someone and their ex's life went on like nothing was different. Maybe they left a group and it carried on without a change. Maybe they worked really hard on something and then found out it wasn't needed.

It something that seems to define my self-worth. Some might call it a delusion of grandeur; but I like to think that I make a significant difference in the things I'm involved with. My church, my choir, my school, my theatre.

But something always comes along and smashes my dream of myself. I seem to constantly be replaced and forgotten, I leave and no one notices, I work and work and work and no one sees the difference.

It's probably not healthy, but I always have to help people out. I feel awful when there's a hole that needs to be filled and I know I can fill it, but I don't, for whatever reason. But I think it's worse when there's a hole I can fill and I want to fill it, but no one will let me.

That just breaks my heart. I always feel the need to serve others, so when I start to ask myself who would notice if I didn't; it's simply depressing.

I think one thing that everyone on this Earth needs to do, is acknowledge the efforts of others, and affirm them. Because maybe, just maybe, if that person were to suddenly disappear; you might notice their absence.

2 comments:

  1. I would notice~! After all, who would write these fantastic and insightful blog posts? ^_^

    ReplyDelete