Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Things I Think I Can Guarantee I Will Never Become

At school they always tell you to keep your options open. They always advise that you don't close any doors on your future career because you never know what you may want to be.

Especially when it comes to maths. At the end of last year I decided I was going to stop doing maths at school, and every told me I should keep doing it to "keep my options open". But I decided to close that door anyway because I don't think I'll ever follow a career with a serious focus on maths.

And who decided closing doors was a bad idea? I can't keep all my options open can I?

Here's a list of things I think I can guarantee I will never become.

A Shoe Shiner
A US Marine
A Nuclear Physicist
A Candlestick Designer
A Jockey
A Supervillain
A Mouse Breeder
A Ballet Dancer
A Snake Charmer
A Meteorologist
An Anaesthesiologist
A Pole Dancer
A Hippopotamus Enthusiast
A Vulcanologist
A Dentist
A Bulldozer Mechanic
A Naval Architect
A Prince
A Spaceship Pilot
A Zoologist
An Asian
A Superhero
A Transformer
The General of the Danish Army
A Rocket Surgeon
A Professional Thumb Wrestler
A Six-year Old Girl
The Number Four
A Cyborg
Chuck Norris
A Caterpillar
The Star of Every Mel Gibson Movie
Six Hundred Legs
Mozart's Butler
The Lorax's Moustache
A Nickel
A Beer Bottle
A Rainbow
A Zebra
A 16th Century Playwright
A Tomato Plantation
The Incredible Hulk
A Number Plate
A Train
A Sabre-tooth Tiger
B Flat Minor
A Snow Globe
The Snowman in a Snow Globe
The Guy Who Hand Crafts The Snowmen to go in Snow Globes
Eddie Murphy
A Canadian By Birth
A Super-cooled Liquid
17 Miles Long
A Ghostbuster

Anyone who thinks I should keep all those options open is crazy.

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